Romanian encounters - episode one, but not the first in the series (this was the appropriate number to begin with because I honestly lost count)

You know you're in Bucharest when a shop security agent gives you a suspicious look and alerts his colleague through the walkie talkie because he noticed you opened your bag while you were browsing the perfume section. You know you're not Romanian enough if you choose not to confront them and sulk over being taken for a thief and an idiot. 

I opened my bag to look for my phone, ffs.  

My heart was filled with content as I walked past the security beepers, though - more silent than a dead baby squirrel brutally sent on a journey to our lord and saviour Jesus in all seven heavens by a drunk motorist. Or as our fellows in 'Murica would say, "it's just a wee baby roadkill now". May our lord and saviour cleanse you from all your sins (and according to our overqualified security agents, that includes myself for shoplifting, apparently - where do I queue for repentance?).

I bet they had their handcuffs preparing a demonstration of true Romanian law enforcement, them badasses.

If I wanted to steal the perfume, I'd obviously leave my fingerprints on several bottles before throwing a random one into my bag right under the nose of a security agent. Yep, this is exactly how I'd do it, especially in a store that's packed with security cameras to protect the precious profits from potential criminals like myself. I felt uncomfortable when they took my picture and fingerprint for my passport, God damn it.

Because I'm planning to become a criminal, obviously. And Romania's going to need overqualified security agents to catch me.

The person who did this is a creative genius

I know it's a tedious job, but if they keep treating every customer like a potential thief, the store might end up getting less profit than it would if everybody shoplifted.

Or not. Because if you get used to being Romanian for too long, you might end up thinking this sort of attitude is normal.

P.S. A piece of advice for all shoplifter wannabes out there - if you hear the security people talking about you on the walkie talkie while still inside the shop, simply go ahead and go through the beepers with the stolen thing in your bag. It's definitely your only way out of a criminal record.