What I'm about to say sounds a bit callous, but I'm still going to say it given that having a blog is a one-way ticket to being publicly judged and scrutinised anyway.
I'm tired of people at home clinging to me.
There.
As flattering and comforting as it may be, you can't really know how emotionally exhausting that is until you've been through it.
I like knowing people who trust and confide in me. At the same time, I'm terrified of having others depend on me when there's only a small part of myself I'm sure I can rely on to satisfy my own vital need of basic personal comfort. And that small part of myself is my sanity. It's not intact, but it works. Most of the time anyway.
It's difficult to make others understand your life has changed quite a bit while theirs is still the same, and that you're ignorantly floating in a blissful bubble of self-sufficiency that's working out for you even if you've no idea what you want to do with your life. It's difficult to make others let you go, and assure them you will always hold on to the values and social conventions they've taught you.
While there are definitely some things I'm happy to put behind me, none of them involve turning my back on anyone I care about.
I'd like people to know I care about them even if we don't cling to each other, despite I'm very bad at expressing my emotions at the right time and/or in the right way. I need reassurance too sometimes. We all do. But not all the time.
Now go ahead and appreciate my honesty and all that.
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