Depression is one of the most abused and misunderstood mental health issues on social media, for the simple reason that everyone everywhere claims to have it - the variety of causes includes hormones, PMS, loss, social rejection, parents from the deep depths of hell and, last but not least, the new iPhone. This variety suggests that judging self-diagnosed sufferers could be a slippery slope.
Do they know what depression is? I don't know what depression is. I'm not even sure I have it. Is anyone? My brief encounters with counselling were fruitless to the point where the frustration of throwing money out the window to hear things I already knew was outweighing the benefits of having someone listen to me ramble on about my shit.
It always begins somewhere
I was happy for the first 15-16 years of my life - possibly because I used to be significantly more stupid back then. Then a sort of emptiness began to develop, and has been growing continually - thankfully, my ability to stand up against it has evolved as well, albeit it was a tight competition.
I've always been very determined about everything I want to do in life. I know exactly what I need and lack. I'd continue to live in the joy of ignorance if it weren't for the constant self-scrutiny, overthinking and the obsession with unfairness that I remind myself of everyday. Oh, and the uselessness of humanity and everything around it. Including you and myself.
People
I like to keep busy and that's probably the only good distraction that keeps whatever this emptiness is from taking over. My job is pretty damn awesome for a student job, uni is great, volunteering is also great. I can be god of multitasking and productivity if I'm stimulated enough to put my mind to it. Distraction ultimately leads to ignorance, and ignorance is bliss.
The human brain is the most complex cognitive machinery known to life, the result of millions of years of evolution. You and I are massive, conscious blobs of matter, yet the complexity of our neural networks means we can only ever understand the way our brains work in tiny, tiny steps. We are conscious, yet unable to answer simple questions like what it is and where it came from.
We are one of nature's greatest works of art.
And then there are these people:
Are stupid
Their brain is similar to ours. They eat, sleep and work just like everyone else; some of them can even read. Yet they seem to be more brainless than a dead jellyfish (sorry, jellyfish) floating aimlessly in its own little tank.
Furthermore, the both of you are equal by the laws of the universe on a galactic scale - you are a conscious blob of matter who will inevitably die, decompose, be forgotten and return to the stardust from which it came. Alas, what a noble fate for an idiot :)
The black dog
If I'm never going to get anything close to a meaning in the universe, then at least I could be understood, cared for and loved by someone just as mundane as myself. All of my attempts so far have failed in the most idiotic ways possible. I'm probably not the easiest human to care for, and if I am, it's always the bad timing. People are always too busy finding meaning in life.
I really liked this. I find myself in it quite a bit.
Shit.
No comments:
Post a Comment