Top 10 most inappropriate things to say when viewing a house as a potential lodger

1. What time of the day are you usually not home?
2. Do not touch my stuff. Do not move my stuff. If it being in your way would lead to imminent injury or death then simply ask me to move it, otherwise do not touch my stuff.
3. Would it be a problem if my cat shat on your doormat every time your activities interfere with my state of peace and tranquility?
4. My long showers are not to be questioned. I am a highly hydrophilic creature, unless I have to swim in something larger than a bath tub. (I would so drown in a jacuzzi)
5. Something in your vacant expression tells me that your bath tub's IQ isn't very far from yours. Are you related?
6. I prefer adult filters switched off - I'm volunteering to teach sex ed and they're blocking my... well, research websites.
7. I will cut bits of your hair in your sleep.
8. "All-inclusive bills" is not something I like to pay when I'm away for the month. But let there be greed.
9. It's not comfy.
10. This isn't a double room. It's a room with a double bed in it. And look, I can even shit while I shower!

Choose homelessness. Pavements are true, faithful and free.